Face Yourself
by katemonster x3
Summary: After the death of Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson is driven over the edge. He's become a killer and the only one that can stop him is... Dick Grayson. Mention of character deaths. Contains both parts one and two.


A/N: Takes place in/after **Batman: The Return**. See bottom for more notes.

* * *

The darkness of Gotham City ate up its own sun.

The sky that stretched above was always clouded and gray, and only darkened with the night. Sunlight never blazed hot flashes across the sky scrapers, never beat warm afternoon rays onto citizen's backs. In Gotham City, there were only the days when it rained, and when it didn't.

Dick wondered if there was a rule book to that sort of thing. Where if somewhere the sky was allowed to fade to blue and the sun would start to shine as you drove out of the reaches of Gotham City limits. If all skies were simply reflections of what lies beneath? Would one day, he wake up to clear blue skies?

The man was blubbering, sweating so profusely that he looked like he might slip through his own skin. He was apologizing, over and over. A petty thief, who apparently had a fear of heights. And overweight at that. He was making Dick's arms tired.

So he let him go.

He screamed the whole way down until the shadows claimed him. There was no safety net; only the cold awaiting cradle of asphalt. The fall from the height of the sky scraper almost indefinitely cracked his skull open. Dick always left the bodies for the rest to find.

Across Gotham's skyline, the Bat signal shined.

* * *

**Face Yourself**

* * *

"This is crazy." Dick breathed.

Because really, this _was_ crazy. And he's _Batman_, so he felt he was a little inclined to make such a statement.

Beside him, Damian scoffed. "You can't possibly just expect us to believe all of this."

They were in the cave, where not even an hour before, Bruce had gathered all their allies to discuss his plans for Batman Incorporated. The members of the Bat-family had dwindled in the cave until only Dick, Damian, and Bruce remained.

And then they had showed up.

Cassandra.

Stephanie.

But not _their_ Cassandra and Stephanie.

Or actually, are their Cassandra and Stephanie, as Dick corrected in his head. Just from the future, but not from the future.

Here to stop him.

But not him, future him.

The whole thing was in all actuality a lot more believable with the gapping vortex of a portal behind them, Dick noted.

Also made all the more believable by standing next to a man who had for months been presumed dead, only to recently reappear after being stuck in the past with no memories.

So, crazy yes.

But he was Batman.

He supposed it was written somewhere in the fine print.

Bruce had yet to say much over the whole thing, but Dick knew it was a calculating silence where he was anything but quiet in the depths of his own head. After getting over the initial threat that had been seen to the cave and their identities, he had retreated into silence. The tall, brooding Dark Knight.

Dick, as a sign of his good faith, had pulled his own cowl back.

It was Stephanie and Cassandra before him, with their masks pulled back, faces exposed. They didn't look any different from the ones who were there before, clad in uniform as Batgirl and Black Bat. They appeared the same in height, weight, hair length; everything that could be seen without Kryptonian X-ray vision. If they were pulling one over on them, they were doing a hell of a job of it.

Dick himself didn't need much more evidence after the hit from Cassandra during what they initially thought was an ambush. There weren't many things close to a punch and tackle from his little sister. He didn't need a second one to straighten that one out.

"So you both are you—but not from the future because you can't exist in the future—and you've…come back for our help, because in the future I turn into a murderous psychopath?" Oh man, was he glad Jason wasn't there.

"If you want to be straight up about it, then yes. It's…the same Earth but it's…reset. Not everything is different, though. Some of the changes are small, but some of them are drastically different. Some things never happened. Some people never happened, never existed. Some for the better, some for the…in this new timeline, _in your future_, Cass and I never existed. You never met us, we never _lived_. We never became Spoiler, or Robin, or Batgirl, or Black Bat…It all just….Things were as they are now, and then the next, they changed. And you all…none of you noticed. Absolutely no one noticed, except for us." There was so much buried pain and confusion. So much that they didn't understand.

"Wait, so you two just…disappeared? So how are you—?"

"We're able to exist…on the side. We can see you, but you can't see us—but not in the same sense as ghosts. We have no ties, no bodies. We've been able to watch you all in this next dimension, but we can't do anything. It's been so _frustrating_! We…we can only watch as all these horrible things happen. There's no…there's not really a way to describe how it has felt."

An unreadable emotion flickered across Cassandra's face. "Forgotten."

Stephanie's expression was pained, but took on a hard exterior. "But, it's not….this isn't the point. Listen to me right now; we don't even know how long we can stay here. Look, as horrible as it seems, there's no…preventing it. This was the closest we could get as it is. It doesn't happen long after Bruce comes back—"

Damian sneered. "If there's no preventing it I hardly see why you would possibly want us to go to the future to—"

"Kill him." It was Cassandra who spoke, steady and serious. Though she had learned how to communicate in more advanced sentences, she had learned that sometimes, fewer words were best.

The current Dick's face crumpled in silent shock on the side.

"We don't kill. You are one of the ones who know that best, Cassandra." The tone was firm, absolute. It was not Bruce Wayne's voice, but Batman's.

Stephanie was visibly angry. "And we're telling you that there might not be any other way. This other Nightwing has to be stopped, and if that means killing him to do it, then take my advice and _do it_. You haven't watched the things he's….In that timeline, no one else can, or will, do it. We are still talking about a _Dick Grayson_ here. One drastically different from the one you know. I won't let you jump into the future just to get yourselves killed!"

"So what, he starts killing a few people and suddenly he's unsaveable?!"

"Damian!"

Damian was livid. The similarities were too striking to miss, and he would be lying if he said the parallels didn't make him think of himself. Think of what he could have become, had the person standing beside him not been there.

A Dick Grayson who kills is still a Dick Grayson to Damian Wayne.

"Look. The timeline you're about to enter can be altered while you're in this one. We can't stop it from happening, but we can change it. We—you can save it. Save it _from_ him." Her hands tightened to fists. The envy she felt was tearing her apart, the reminders of it all resounding in her head.

_She_ couldn't do anything.

"I'll go. But I'm going alone."

"What? Grayson!"

Dick kneeled down to Damian's eye level, which wasn't much anymore. He put his hands on his shoulders. "Damian, listen to me—"

"You don't want to be my partner anymore." It was a cheap shot, and he knew it. Damian already regretted having to use it, because he knew Dick's loyalties to him weren't so fickle. He didn't question them, though his fears for their partnership had been very real since the return of his Father. But he refused to let Dick leave him behind.

Not for this.

"Damian." Dick's face was stern, angry. But after a moment's thought, he released the tension and his face softened considerably. Damian's stomach turned. "I think this is something I need to do alone, okay? I just have this…feeling. Everything will be alright. I'll be fine. But I won't risk _your_ safety on a feeling, Damian. You know I need you. You know I trust you. But it's my job as your partner to keep you safe."

Damian was backed into a corner. There were arguments that he could make. There were flaws in Dick's request, things that he had said that he could turn against him.

Dick Grayson had been the one that accepted him, that taught him. He had never given up on him, or rejected him for what he was.

Out of his loyalty to _this_ Dick,

Out of his love for everything he'd done—

Damian's voice fell to a whisper that only Dick could hear. His final plea. "Let me be the one to save you."

Dick's smile was sad.

"You already have, Little D."

He squeezed Damian's shoulders, and ended the physical contact. He rose from his knees, his eyes flickering towards Batman.

"Bruce?"

The silence from the Bat was unsettling. But his tone was even, unfazed. "You want to do this alone."

Dick heard what wasn't said. Leave it to Bruce. But he held his ground.

"Yeah B, I do."

Bruce had turned, heading towards the monitors at a brisk pace with a whip of the cape. "Very well. You have five hours. Anything more and we're coming in after you."

_We're_. Dick didn't miss that. He couldn't suppress the soft smile. Stupid paranoid, possessive Waynes.

Dick turned towards Stephanie and Cassandra, and sighed. What should he even call this? Time travel? Dimension hopping? "This is crazy." He hoped that was the last time he said that tonight.

_Too late to turn back now _he mused; the device in Cassandra's hand was glowing. There was an identical one that had been given to Bruce. Dick glanced at Stephanie, raising the cowl. "So, what, no spoilers about my other self?" He smirked.

"Stephanie. Cassandra." Bruce, whose back was still turned and typing away at the keyboard.

Time was running out, they were leaving. The light was astounding, blinding.

They would not be able to come back again.

Bruce stopped typing.

"We would never forget about you."

And then they were gone.

* * *

"I was waiting," Nightwing said softly into the darkness, the sound of a flapping cape the only indication he was no longer alone. They were thousands of feet up, both at perfect ease. The top of Old Wayne Tower, the top of Gotham.

"Waiting for what?" Batman blended perfectly with the gargoyles. The welcoming guardians. He stood solid and calm.

"For you, Batman," Nightwing shrugged. He had a smile on his face that was a throwback to happier times. "With all the crazy things that go on it was bound to happen eventually. Time Travel, Alternate Dimension, Magic. Batman would always come back to Gotham one day. But you're the wrong one."

He sounded a bit sad as he turned and faced himself.

"I'm exactly the right Batman for the job," Dick Grayson unfastened his cape letting it fly off in a strong gust of wind. The cape would only slow him down. He was facing a younger version of himself, faster, less old injuries. After a moment's hesitation he pulled off the cowl as well.

Nightwing laughed, "I always hated that cape."

"Me too," Batman agreed.

"You know what's not fair?" Nightwing asked. He was slowly approaching and Batman brought up his guard.

"That in this Universe Crocky Crunch doesn't exist? That would explain a lot actually," Batman grinned. Nightwing scowled.

"No, _Batman_. I was thinking of the very idea of Robin." Nightwing pulled out his escrima sticks. Batman didn't have the luxury of anything that didn't fit in a utility belt. Instead he pulled out two Bat-a-rangs using them in an X to block the first swing. He kicked Nightwing hard in the gut before the second stroke came sending the younger man back.

"I seem to remember myself once showing too much leg for the sake of justice." Batman leaped up and let gravity do the rest. He crashed on top of Nightwing's shoulders. Nightwing grunted and went down, but he quickly rolled forward out of Batman's space.

"I never showed my legs for the sake of justice," Nightwing snickered, "Where is it you came from again? The stripper-verse?"

Batman laughed as well, "You should have seen Aqualad," He threw a bat-a-rang, Nightwing predicted it and dodged with a perfect backwards flip. It was interesting seeing his own movements from an outside perspective.

"There never should have _been_ Robin after us."

Batman blocked a strike. He had the advantage in a grapple, but Nightwing was too fast to pin. Did he really have this much energy at that age?

"Jason," Batman guessed.

"Jason and Tim," Nightwing growled. He shot forward hitting Batman hard in the shoulder with his weapon, "And Damian!" The last he shouted. He threw Batman back. Batman tumbled. He caught the edge before he fell and quickly pulled himself back up. Nightwing didn't try to press his advantage, he backed away giving them distance, room.

"Don't you understand?" Nightwing tore off his own mask. They met each other's eyes. Perfect matching shades of blue. The younger was struck by how the older looked like his father. The older was struck by how the younger didn't even look like himself anymore. Not with that tortured expression.

Batman held his position. He didn't attack.

"Explain it to me… Dick."

"We were exceptional," The younger Dick Grayson whispered. "You of all people know I'm not bragging when I say we were trained by the best acrobats in the world from the time we were born. Jason was a hurt young teen on the street with no prospects. Batman took a normal teenage boy in and put him under fire. Robin's meant to draw attention with red, green and yellow. Robin's meant to be the diversion. Everyone's eyes are on the little show-off. Robin needs to be better because that's where the bullets are going to be aimed. Jason wasn't better. He was angry and undisciplined. He had a big heart he was a good kid, but he was _only_ a kid. The arrogance of Bruce, thinking he could just replace us and that his training would balance it out. If he wanted to save Jason he should have taken him in and never told him about Batman and Robin. He practically shoved the kid out in our old costume for the entire world to see. Jason died because Bruce didn't want to be alone in the dark again."

"Yeah, but he came back," The older man said gently.

"What about Tim?" The younger Dick asked bitterly, "He used to be this bright kid with a million prospects. A genius, an athlete and the best part? He had parents who love him. Bruce saw the dangerous game that kid was playing. He said no, he didn't want another Robin. That's great Bruce, but did you think maybe he might be a bit more tenacious than that? Bruce failed to protect him. Tim's parents are alive, but now he can never see them again. What's worse, after that he lets him be Red Robin anyway! The amount of trauma that kid has faced since then and he's only seventeen! I don't even remember the last time I saw him smile."

The older Dick Grayson sighed, "They're not alive in my universe."

"What?"

"His parents, they died. Tim's an orphan."

"And was that Batman's fault?"

"…indirectly," He admitted.

"And Damian—"

"You're missing one."

"No I'm not."

"Steph."

"Who?"

"No Stephanie?"

"…No?"

"And what about Cass, she wasn't Robin, but—"

The younger shook his head.

His little sisters truly did not exist.

Batman looked away for a moment, then looked back at Nightwing.

"Maybe they weren't our equals when they started, but these peoples' skills can't be thrown away. They grew. Jason wasn't just a mistake. He had the potential and Bruce saw that. And look at Jason now. He's given it a good try at kicking our asses. He's come pretty close to succeeding a few times. Batman didn't kill Jason, the Joker did. The Joker used Jason's past. If it had been our mother do you think for one second we would have hesitated? We would have gone, we would have come alone, if it was her, if there was a chance? It would have been us in the same position. And Tim? Maybe our Tims are different, but yeah they both sought out this life. They saw there was a hole that needed filling. My Tim lost a lot, but he's gained a family and I'm not just talking about Bruce and us. He has friends and loved ones and he's living his life the way he chose to live and he's been able to move past his tragedies. Steph? You don't know her, but she's special. She's that little sister that's always underfoot until she she's suddenly in front of you a human shield in front of the bullies her hands on her hips telling them not to _touch_ her brothers and friends. She found her place with us, she proved herself as one of us. And Cass? She's our sister, Bruce adopted her. She's not motivated to fight crime because of personal tragedy. No one orphaned her. She's making up for her mistakes. She's redeeming herself and I think she values life more than a lot of so called 'Superheroes' out there do. Maybe you can argue about Jason and Tim and how 'suited' they were to wear the red, green, and yellow, but Damian is exceptional too. He'd kick our ten-year-old ass in a second. He's better than—"

"Damian's dead."

Batman stopped, absolutely stopped. He stared at Nightwing, finally noticed. There were angry tears in the younger man's eyes.

"No, that's not—"

"Damian's dead," Nightwing repeated. "I left the cowl behind me, I left him with Bruce and I was _relieved_. I was so happy that I hadn't messed it up, you know? Bruce went back to being Batman and Damian became his Robin. I thought that was better. Bruce would be able to do a better job with him than I would. Bruce would be able to teach him and protect him. Bruce was better than me so I wouldn't have to worry. I wouldn't have to wake up from nightmares about Damian's dead body next to my parents knowing it was my fault. Did you have those dreams?"

"—I…I still have those dreams," Batman said reluctantly. He was suddenly glad he told Damian not to come. It was better his partner wasn't here to see this. He understood now. This Dick Grayson was broken.

"You sound like you have a lot of people around you Dick," The younger man said with soft envy. "Lots of family. Lots of friends too I bet. Who else do you have that I don't? Donna? Wally?"

Batman looked like he had been slapped in the face. "They… they came back to me."

Nightwing gave a small cry of agonizing pain, "I've had to move on!" He was shouting now, "I've had to keep moving forward. My parents, my friends. All of them are dead. Wally's gone, Donna's gone, Garth's gone. The Joker destroyed Haly's circus, but that's okay, they wanted to turn me into a monster anyway! Jason's off battling aliens or demons with my Ex and Roy Harper. Tim never speaks with me unless it involves work. Damian was all I had and Bruce couldn't protect him. He couldn't stop Damian from killing Nobody and he couldn't stop me from killing him! I killed Batman! Do you understand? I killed him!"

Batman closed his eyes and bowed his head.

Nightwing started to approach angrily, "So go on _Dick_. You're me, aren't you? Older, wiser me that has _everything_. Go ahead and judge me! Tell me where I went wrong. Tell me how I can redeem myself like your Cassandra. Tell me how I can be brave like your Stephanie."

They were only a few feet apart. Nightwing was breathing angrily. Batman wasn't breathing at all.

"Tell me how I can live without them?"

Batman stepped forward and swept the younger man into a hug. Nightwing choked back a sob of surprise.

"I'm sorry."

"I killed Bruce," Dick cracked. Batman felt his tears soaking into his shoulder. "I killed him and it wasn't an accident. I killed him because he would have stopped me. Jason was right, he was always right. We have to kill them to stop them, but Jason didn't realize—or maybe he didn't want to go so far. Can you imagine? Jason Todd not going far enough? But it's true. Do you understand yet? You have to kill Batman if you want to kill the monsters Dick because Batman protected them too." He was shaking. "Look, look. I saved Gotham. There's no more masked freaks. Two-Face is gone, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, Mr. Freeze, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, Victor Zsasz, Firefly, Professor Pig, the Joker! I killed them and they didn't come back. They're like us and you know what?" Nightwing looked up desperately. Batman held him hard by the shoulder meeting his eyes.

"It was easy," He whispered brokenly.

Batman pulled him back into his embrace.

"I had to kill Batman so that I could finally finish his mission. He was right. Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. Mass-murderers and mobsters don't live here in Gotham anymore. Nightwing is the man who killed Batman and then he became a Monster Slayer. Now there's only one more monster left."

Batman held him more tightly.

"Don't."

"I deserve it."

Batman chuckled sadly, "No. You're a messed up twenty-two year-old that had everything taken away from him. You took too much in return. Way too much. You've destroyed a lot of lives, Dick. You became one of them. One of the people you swore you would never be."

"I know."

"And you can't take that back and I can't give you absolution for it."

"I don't want to be forgiven. I just want to die."

"But don't you think he deserves justice?"

"Who?"

"Bruce. Don't you owe it to him? Don't you owe it to yourself?"

"If I turn myself in Tim will—"

"Dick Grayson murdered Bruce Wayne. That's all you have to tell them."

"I killed the others."

"Yeah, you did and you're going to have to live with that, but Dick, you crossed the line the least you can do is do things his way now. He wouldn't want you to die."

"I killed him."

"And you know what?" Batman pulled back and smiled kindly, "He would be more disappointed in himself than with you. I mean, seriously? Death by Nightwing?"

"…"

"He would be you know."

The two jerked staring into the shadows. Another Batman stepped into the light. Nightwing was shaking. His eyes squeezed shut.

"No, no, no, no."

"He would," Bruce Wayne repeated letting his cowl fall back. Robin perched above them looking down with a grim face. "He would be disappointed in himself because he didn't save you from this," Bruce carefully stepped forward. The older Dick Grayson stepped away. Nightwing stood and faced his father who wasn't really his father. Bruce gently reached out and took the young man by the shoulder. Dick kept shaking his head. "He should have saved you from this, Dick."

Nightwing collapsed against him.

"I'm so sorry Bruce, I'm so sorry. Please, I'm so sorry. I just…I'm so sorry," He sobbed. Bruce held him. The older Dick looked on. Bruce's eyes were downcast with regret. He glanced up at _his_ Dick Grayson. He looked so damn thankful.

_I asked him if he ever felt __**pride**__ about what he did. He didn't. He said, "What I do to people—even when the __**long-term**__ results are positive…I'm not proud about it at all." Then he stopped for a second and said… "The only time I ever feel pride is when I look at Nightwing. Sometimes I think he's the only thing I ever did right."_

* * *

A/Ns: Ugh what a nightmare. Multi-character dialogue, you should have just killed me.

With the intent to keep this short and sweet, my muse for this came from my love/hate relationship with The New 52; mostly the hate part.

As a disclaimer, please don't put much thought into the dimension hopping—I sure didn't!

So Cassandra wasn't actually at the Batman Incorporated meeting, but I changed that. She's also actually mentioned to exist in the New 52 as well, but as she has yet to show up at this point, I felt that she is almost in the same category as Steph.

After the cut, the rest is written by the wonderful hawkstout, and as such this is dedicated to her. Without her part of it, I undoubtedly would have abandoned this. Even in the end I have mixed feelings about it, but it's finally out there.

Quote at the end from JLA #73.


End file.
